The Dizziness of Death
by ApolloBlackwood
Summary: Eiji returns home to Japan. His time with New York's boys has ended and he's returning to everyday life. ... Or isn't he? There is this person who keeps calling him constantly but why? Are these calls possibly about Ash? Did something happen? Anime ending version. Spoilers, duh.


**Dizziness of Death**

~o

_Notes: I finished Banana Fish yesterday. Now I've got plans._

* * *

~o

Home at last.

Japan was different from New York in so many ways but Eiji couldn't help and see the similarities at first glance as well. _Cars and lots of buildings, _flashed through his mind and he smiled when he remembered Ash's laugh. _What's the difference to New York then?_

It was the smell. The smell of home and the nearby sea that was different from the American waters that he had been looking over together with Ash. Here in Japan, the water smelled saltier, penetrating through skin right into the soul. It was the fighting spirit and strength and -

Eiji tilted his head, confused. The way he pictured the differences in his head one might think he got the places mixed up with each other …. huh?

"Eiji-san, are you feeling well?" Ibe leaned past his shoulder to look at his face but Eiji smiled, hands raised appeasingly, and shook his head.

_You Japanese always apologize so much. Stop apologizing._

"I just thought about how nice it is to be back in Japan, that's all!" He pointed at the main airport gate, past moving people with their suitcases, directing Ibe's attention to something else. "I think I can already see the city outside there!"

"Ah yes ..." Ibe straightened up again and gazed around with a deep inhale and smile. "The lovely sight of home. You have no idea how long I waited for this moment, Eiji-san." His eyes darkened and his shoulders drooped. "I will miss America though. Max. And Ash. I wonder why Ash didn't come to say good-bye …?" He noticed Eiji's look on his face. Wildly, he startled and started gesticulating, stammering: "I mean, uh, yes, that's a pity but- Good! Let's go! Your parents must be worried sick!"

"Yes." Eiji, serious, turned around again to face the front and searched through the masses to see if his parents had arrived to pick him up yet. They had texted him during the flight. It was a short message, telling him they were stuck in traffic jam and might be late.

There was a part of him that felt guilty about the way he had treated them. You had to always respect your elders … _but also keep an eye out for the youngsters. Onii-chan, was it? Damn, Ash._

Ibe pushed the wheelchair through the gates, got hold of their bags and suitcases and finally they stepped outside, into the late afternoon sun. Eiji put his head back and looked at the blue sky. There were some clouds, white and pure, and the sunlight was warming his face.

_Lock it away for now, Eiji, _he warned himself and buried his thoughts deep inside to think them later.

Later.

"Eiji, darling!" His mother, a beautiful lady of middle age, minced on high heels over the sidewalk and immediately pressed her son against her chest. Her embrace smelled like green tea and rice, while his father's strong but soft arms gave off the fragrance of oil and wood and fish as he closed his arms around him in an welcoming embrace.

"Mom, Dad, I missed you."

Eiji listened to his parents exchange some words with Ibe, thanking him for bringing Eiji back home safely and inviting him over for a visit but he didn't actually take in their words. He was distracted by the vibration of his phone in his jacket's pocket but before he managed to take out his phone it had already stopped ringing.

_Couldn't have been important then, could it?_

"Let's go home. We made you your favorite food, Eiji, Natto. Thank you, Ibe-san." His mother bowed to Ibe and Ibe waved after them, watching them leave with a sad smile.

"I will come to visit soon!", he shouted, both hands around his mouth formed like a cone, and waved until they were out of sight. He adjusted his coat's collar, looked into the sky and began laughing so loudly that the people around him hurried on faster with strange looks into his direction.

He was finally home.

~o

* * *

~o

Shadows were dancing over the walls. Eiji folded his hands behind his head, sinking deeper into the cushion. The lights on the outside flickered into the room as a car passed the driveway and onto the road, illuminating the ceiling's lamps and casting new shadows.

Eiji extended an arm, pointed at the lamp with a finger pistol and shot "Peng!".

The lamp didn't move.

His mobile phone started vibrating. Eiji reached for it on the bedside table, his heart suddenly racing faster but of course it was not _him. _It was stupid to await his call like this. _You'd be a good housewife, Onii-chan._

"Ibe-san?"

"Hi, Eiji-san. I um, I hope I'm not disturbing you?" Ibe's phone background was quite noisy. It was hard to make out Ibe's voice with that volume accompanying him and Eiji wondered where the journalist might be that late.

"Uh, no, I'm fine. Where are you?"

"A bar. Meeting with some colleagues. I'm going to publish the story that we planned. About the gangs of Downtown. And I remembered that you still have the photos on your camera. The photos of Ash I mean. Do you … Can you send them to me?" Ibe talked to someone in the background so Eiji did without an answer, and then Ibe said to Eiji: "Ah, I have to terminate the call but Eiji-san, send me the photos, okay?"

"Sure. Have a fun night, Ibe-san."

Something cold settled down in his chest. Jealousy? But why would he need to be jealous? Or was it something else? Eiji terminated the call and stared at the shadows on the wall, his mind blank. The issue about the gangs of Downtown … it all seemed so far away. So unreal ...

"Eiji?"

"Dad?" He hadn't heard him knock.

"Can I come in for a moment?" Eiji nodded and his dad inched his way into the room. He took the desk's chair, moved it next to the bed and sat down without looking at Eiji's face but kept his gaze steadily at Eiji's hands. He cleared his throat, took off his glasses and they sat in silence, Eiji looking at his father and his father looking at Eiji's hands that he had folded on the bed sheet.

He looked old. Older than before Eiji's departure to New York. There were more gray hair streaks on his upper head and hair was fleeing from his forehead. Wrinkles were digging deeper into the area around his eyes, leaving marks of sadness and thought around them. Traces of age had appeared on his skin and the furrow between his brows spoke of recent sorrow.

Eiji extended a hand and touched his father's shoulder lightly but it still startled him. His gaze shot up and met Eiji's eyes. He looked away quickly.

"Dad?"

"I … You have changed." He pressed a fist against his mouth and cleared his throat again. "You don't talk about New York. You were so silent during dinner and ..."

"Dad ..." Eiji put a hand on his dad's shoulder and smiled. His eyes spoke of a different sorrow than his father's. He was not ready to share his sorrow yet. He wasn't sure he would ever be ready to share it with anyone. "I'm fine. Really."

"Yes ..." His dad leaned back in his chair and finally smiled as well. Eiji hated it when he was the source of his father's sadness. Both of his parents deserved better than this. "You know, about pole vaulting. I hated seeing you suffer over your mistake, Eiji. It wasn't fair. For you."

"I'm better."

"Because of New York?" Eiji nodded and his father sighed. "Okay. Just tell me when you're ready, okay?"

"I will." He could ask about his mother and why she drove away in the middle of the night as if she wasn't living in their house anymore. He could confront his father here and now and get the answers that he would need to seek out later anyways.

_You're too soft. But never change, Eiji. Please._

_Yes Ash. I didn't intend to._

Eiji wished his dad good night and waited until he heard the light switch turn the lights off in the corridor before he removed his blanket and tumbled out of bed. He could feel the pain pulsate through his body, where the gunshot wound was still causing troubles. With clenched teeth he made it through his room to his bag – he hadn't unpacked its contents yet – and took out the camera. Heavy breaths escaped him, so he leaned against the next wall, pressed the back of his head against the wall and took a break.

The mobile phone on the bedside table began vibrating. Who could be calling him this time?

_Ash?_

Eiji's sight went blurry as he immediately started making his way through the room, back to his bed, where he left the phone after his talk with Ibe. _Three more steps, come on!_

One.

The phone was still vibrating. _Ash … Don't hang up now._

Two.

Eiji could feel sweat running down his back from strain and the air was missing in his lungs.

Three.

Eiji grabbed the phone and pressed the accept-button but whoever had been calling already terminated the call. With trembling fingers Eiji clicked on the missed-calls menu, scrolled to the very top and stared at the numbers but they were dancing before his eyes and he could not focus on them. His head felt like one ton heavy concrete – and then Eiji lost consciousness.

~o

* * *

**– Three days later.**

~o

"Eiji-senpai!" - "Eiji-san!" - "Eijiiiii, you dumbass! Look at you!"

"Haha, hello people." Eiji scratched the back of his head, flustered by the uncounted amount of eyes turning into his direction. People jumped off their seats and hurried closer to him, bombarding him with questions about "Where have you been?" or "When will you come to school again?".

"Everybody, please take your seats! Give Okumura-kun some breathing space!" The teacher, Miss Okayaki, clapped her hands and hushed the other pupils away, urging them to sit back down.

"Thank you, Miss Okayaki-sensei." Eiji took a clumsy bow into her direction but the crutches made it hard to follow the courtesy properly. She waved him down with a smile.

"Are you going to join lessons today, Okumura-kun?", she asked, friendly, but Eiji shook his head and explained that he was only here to clear things up with the director and teachers. He would need some weeks before being able to join school again because of his stomach wound.

"Wound? What wound? Did you get into a fight, Eiji-kun?" His friend from the pole vault team, technically sitting in the back row of the classroom next to his own empty seat, stood up and shouted over the other pupils' heads. They started snickering, others looked expectantly at Eiji, everybody wanted an answer.

"It's ..." _a gun shot wound. Because I saved Ash's life. _"... from a surgery."

"A surgery?"

"You have been to New York, right?"

"Class", the teacher clapped her hands another time and adressed them in a very serious tone: "You will have to save your questions for a later day." While she continued talking and explaining the rough situation Eiji felt his mobile phone vibrating. Now was not the time to pick up, not in front of his teacher and his class.

He said his goodbyes (tanoshinde kite ne, folks! _Don't say Sayounara, don't do it Eiji_) and hopped his way out of the classroom. Outside, where he had more privacy, he leaned one of his crotches against the window ledge, fumbled out his phone and looked at the number.

It was the same one that called him in regular time periods.

They never picked up when he called back.

_Ash …_

Eiji clenched his teeth. Next time he will pick up. He had to.

The talk with the director went smoothly. With the doctor's report it was easy to convince the committee to let him join classes at a later date. They wished him a quick recovery and the director pointed out that Eiji looked better than "back when you had your accident after that fateful tournament. Sad to lose such a good athlete" and Eiji thanked him dearly and left.

The weather was brilliant today (like the days before as well). Eiji took a break at the school gate, sat down onto the bench for the bus stop and looked up into the sky, breathing the fresh Japanese air.

_Japanese air, Eiji? Do you divide air into American air and Japanese air now?_

He smirked. Would sending Ash a photo of this sky be okay? Or maybe a selfie? Eiji could send it to the library, scribbling a note on its backside: _For the best looking blonde male with glasses and green eyes. A gift for the free lynx of New York City._

Eiji took out the photos from his breast pocket and looked at them soulfully. His heart in his chest weighed a thousand pounds when he thought about the distance between himself and Ash. But he could feel his presence next to him – in him – in his thoughts, his heart, his actions. Yes, he returned a different boy to Japan. Stronger. But also more frail.

_It's been three days, Ash, but I miss you like crazy. Next time I'll catch that phone call. I won't miss out hearing your voice again._

Eiji took up his walk. He promised to meet up with Ibe and since Eiji couldn't move around a lot at a time, he went to the nearby café, the place they had both agreed on. The journalist was already there and after exchanging the standard greetings, Eiji handed the photos over to Ibe. Ibe skimmed through them quickly.

"Hahaha, look, there's Max!" Ibe bit his lower lip to not break out in hysterical laughter when he reached a certain photograph. The photograph of Max wasn't exactly showing the journalist in his best light. Indeed, how could a human being possibly warp his face like this?

"Look at this one here!" Eiji shuffled through the photos and pointed out a scene where Ibe and Max were drinking at a bar together, shoulder against shoulder. Ibe's eyes were shining with excitement as he remembered this evening.

"Ah, the good drunk times!", he exclaimed and burst out in laughter. Silence settled around them at the neighboring tables. Ibe turned red like the mug in front of him, waved at the people gazing at them and leaned over the tablecloth, hiding his face behind the photographs. He whispered to Eiji: "I kinda forgot how to behave in public because of New York. This is really embarrassing in public."

"Haha, America was indeed something else!", Eiji conceded and scratched the back of his neck with a wide grin.

"What did your parents say?", Ibe changed the topic. "Are they mad at me?" He took his mug in both hands but didn't drink. He looked tense.

"Ah no, I don't think so. Dad is happy that I'm home again." _I have changed. For better or for worse in my parents' eyes? _"I haven't been able to talk to my mom though. She … seemed busy."

"Ah, I heard about it. You know, the mails and phone calls with your parents? I had been keeping contact to them every now and then during our stay in America." Ibe sighed and relaxed visibly. "Listen, Eiji, about our trip." He finally sipped on his tea, creating a pause in their conversation. "I'm glad you were there with me. You made some friends and saw the other side of the coin. We brought down Dino Golzine himself! Sure, he was just a small fry compared to the rest of the organization. But we did it! We took the first step toward a better world."

"Small fry?" Eiji was genuinely surprised. "What do you mean? He seemed like a real threat to me."

"Well, yes, kind of." Ibe shook his head. "You know how Blanca is compared to Ash? Well, the rest of the whole rotten world is the same like that to Golzine. We must dig deeper. And it will only be more dangerous. And Max is out. At least when it comes to the big fish in the sea. I mean, I don't blame him. He has a wife and a son. But I can do it. And I think I will start again soon. Not right now!", he concluded and put down the mug. He wiped a tired hand over his face and leaned against his palm, elbow resting on the table. "I couldn't stand going again right now."

"To America?"

"No. Corsica. The pool of evil."

The rest of their conversation evolved around Eiji's school and experiences, reminiscence and memories of their time together in America, and finally about the doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. Ibe paid for their meal and brought Eiji home in his car so that the wounded boy wouldn't have to walk the whole way.

Nobody was home when Eiji opened the front door but there was a note on the table from his dad, telling him that he would return home after his grocery shopping. Eiji didn't know where his mom went to. She came and left freely lately. His father pretended like that was okay and normal but Eiji could not be fooled by her and his father's strange behavior. He saw more than they believed he saw.

_You have sharp eyes, Eiji. Big and round and full of innocence but look at you, you can see right through everybody now. I'm proud of you, Onii-chan._

Eiji took the stairs up to his room, sat down onto his bed and took out the last photo from his breast pocket, a photo that he didn't want Ibe to see. It was a private one, of whose existence only Eiji himself knew. It had been one of the carefree mornings with Ash, when Eiji had been laying awake while Ash had been sleeping. That had been the perfect opportunity to take this photo.

Eiji ran his thumb over the picture. Ash looked so peaceful in his sleep. His hair had fallen into his face and covered one eye, wrinkles of his seriousness smoothed out in his sleep.

_If Ash knew about this art's existence he would kill me. Onii-chan or not._

His mobile phone rang.

Eiji almost jumped up (pain shot up from his belly, the doctor had warned him not to move so suddenly!) and grabbed his phone immediately, checking who was calling. It was _that _number.

With trembling fingers Eiji accepted and pressed the receiver against his ear. Breathless, he whispered: "Ash?" It was almost impossible to hear the answer through the blood coursing in his ears.

"I thought I'd never catch you."

This wasn't Ash's voice. Eiji's breath got caught in his throat but he managed to ask: "Sing?"

"Man, I don't have much time. Listen, did Ash contact you?"

Eiji's heart was beating like a caged bird in his chest. Maybe he would die right here, right now. He croaked: "No, he didn't. I haven't heard of him since I left." His mouth went dry as well. "Did he .. Did something happen?"

"Listen, call Alex. He knows. Yut Lung doesn't want me to tell you but check the lists-" The call broke off.

"Sing?" Eiji stared at his phone screen with widened eyes. Call Alex? What was this about?

He cautiously made his way over to his desk, hand pressed against his stomach and he had goosebumps all over his arms. Quickly, he looked through the scattered notes, putting aside unrelated papers and then he found the scrap of paper that he needed. With ink a number was scribbled on it, hastily written down before departure but with such heavy importance to Eiji right now.

With trembling fingers he put in the number, deleted it because he mixed up the numbers and tried again. Finally, he could start the call – he listened to the ringing, waited and-

"Hello?", Alex mumbled. He sounded as if he just woke up. What time was it in New York?

"Alex? It's me, Eiji."

"Eiji! Damn, you actually called!" From the background Eiji picked up thrilled shouting by the other boys. "Sssssh! Men, shut your mouths, I don't hear him! Sorry, man, what's up? How's your wound? How's Japan?" Alex's shout had almost made Eiji go deaf. Eiji took a mental note to be prepared for those outbursts for further occasions.

"I'm glad to be home but I really miss you guys." Eiji took out Ash's photograph from his pocket, put it down onto the desk and placed a hand on it, fighting with tears. He tried to clear his throat without making it too obvious but Alex must have heard something in Eiji's voice because he said: "Homie, man, don't grow weak on me now. We're fine and you are fine and one day we will meet again, okay?"

"I … Yes." Eiji closed his eyes. "Listen, Alex. Sing just called me. He said to call you. Did something happen?"

The silence was one second too long. One second, and the truth was obvious even though the following words were a convincing lie, told many times before.

"No, we're fine, as I said."

"Alex, tell me what happened." Eiji's voice grew hard and this time, the silence on the other side of line spoke of surprise.

"You are like Boss", Alex answered with great admiration and the background choir voiced surprise with loud "oooh" and "aaah"- sounds. "Uh, I have you on speakers, man, the whole gang is listening. I mean, I put you on speakers."

"Okay. Okay." Eiji breathed in. It could be hard talking to the boys. Especially if your name wasn't Ash. "What is the deal between Sing and Yut Lung?"

"Sing is a hero." _That's Bones. _"He's dove into the lion's den and wrestling the snake. For the Chinese. For Shorter. We're proud of our Chinese boy."

"Yeah, he said Yut Lung isn't his boss and he has to teach him his place. So he went straight to him and told him his opinion. There's a lot going on in Chinatown, a lot of shady business, and since Ash is- OUCH! BONES!"

"What?" Eiji felt panic surge up in his chest. "Since Ash is what, Alex?"

"Ehehe, nothing. Hey, Eiji, um, it was nice talking to-"

"Alex. Tell me what's going on. DON'T KEEP ME IN THE DARK." Eiji stood up from his chair, his free hand on the desk to stabilize himself. He couldn't see clear - why did Alex not just talk? What was going on that had to be kept away from Eiji? "I swear, keep information from me and I will board the next plane, come over and kill you with my own hands. I mean it, Alex. Tell me. _Tell me now._"

"Alex, he's serious." Whatever happened on the other side of the line, Eiji could not see. But he pictured everybody of Ash's gang looking at Alex and urging him on to tell whatever happened, because no one would like to be the one to speak.

Alex cleared his throat. His next words were a blur in Eiji's head: "Listen, Ash's gone."

"Gone?", Eiji echoed and plunged back into his chair. "What do you mean, gone?"

"He … hasn't returned … but that doesn't have to mean anything, homie, maybe he's just busy with his stuff, you know how he is, right? Ash is often just gone but when we charge to safe him from wherever he has gone to he just comes back and laughs into our faces because we're actually incapable of just waiting and trusting him, yeah?"

_Ash is gone._

"Man, Eiji, don't stress over it. We're searching for him already", Bones added in but there was something off in his voices. And Eiji couldn't see their faces to confirm his gut feeling. He couldn't because he was helpless over here in Japan and they were all in America and what a dumb idea to leave his friends behind to return home – home, where his family's problems and school life seemed so irrelevant next to the problems in New York.

"The list", Eiji murmured.

"What?"

"Sing told me to check the list. What list?"

"I don't know anything about a list", Alex answered immediately and Bones added: "Alex, he probably means _the lists_\- OUCH! FUCK! What was that for?!"

"SHUT UP!", Alex screamed and groaned.

"What lists." Eiji's grip around the mobile phone tightened. "Alex."

"Yes, fuck yes, I'm sorry! Eiji, homie, it probably means nothing, okay? Sing is just too tense about the whole affair, I mean-"

"WHAT. LISTS." Eiji was close to throwing his phone across the room and scream at top of his lungs but he needed to stay calm and get the information out of them. He just needed to know. Why were they so secretive?

"Um … well. I don't- .. Okay. Death lists. You know, the lists of the people that recently died?"

"What about those lists?" Eiji pressed his free hand against his stomach, over the wound where he was shot. Maybe he had moved around too much today. Maybe it was because it was too quickly. Maybe it was the stress of this phone call. But he didn't feel well. There was a weight in his stomach and his wound probably tore open and was bleeding again.  
"Um … To let the cat out of the bag? Ash's name is on it. Like, not Ash Lynx himself, Eiji. Here it is. Aslan Jade Callenreese. His real name. But you know-"

Eiji never heard the rest of his sentence. He dropped the phone onto the table and screamed at the top of his lungs, letting out the accumulated insecurity inside of himself that had been building up inside of him for days, released all at once, and clawed his hair in desperation. He didn't stop when the door was torn open and his dad came barging in, screaming his son's name, confused about what happened. He didn't hear his questions and didn't feel his father's hands on him, trying to understand what happened to his son and what he could do to help him.

Eiji fell to the floor in his dad's arms, screaming and shouting Ash's name but also not forming understandable sounds. His screams turned into whimpering, his hands covering his face and leaving scratch marks on his face.

_His real name is on the death lists. You didn't come when I was at the airport. Are you dead, Ash?_

It was worse when Eiji fell silent.

From one second to the next, all air and life was out of him and he sat there on the floor, in his dad's arms, pale, blank eyes, not reacting to his father's tears. Not reacting to his father at all, even though his dad put him against the bedside table and took his face into his hands, screaming his name, screaming for help.

Eiji didn't cry.

_Why didn't you come to the airport when I was leaving? __Are you really dead, Ash? If you're dead, why am I not dead then?_

He threw up, right there on his room's carpet. His father stormed out of the room and called an ambulance, and when the ambulance arrived they checked Eiji thoroughly but couldn't find any immediate cause of pain other than the gunshot wound.

"It looks like the cause of his state is mental, Sir. Did something happen to the boy today? He looks in severe pain", the ambulance doctor asked Eiji's father. Eiji's dad just shook his head helplessly. He looked pale, sick as well, covering his upper body in his own embrace.

"He never talked about what happened in New York. I don't know. I just came home when he started screaming. Someone was on the phone but they terminated instantly. I don't even know. What can I do, doctor? What can I do for my son?" He grabbed the doctor's arm, desperate. The doctor put his hands on the father's shoulders and answered in a serious tone: "Talk to him. Maybe have a friend talk to him. Wait some hours. Or get him into a clinic. A mental clinic. I can't help, sir."

Later, Eiji's father sat down at his son's side, took his hand and looked at his sleeping face but there was no trace of peace in Eiji's facial expression, and he was covered in sweat and breathing irregularly.

"Oh, Eiji, where have I gone wrong?" He leaned over his son and started sobbing softly, eyes burning from all the tears shed today.

Somewhere in New York, Alex and Bones selected a group of people for the search party. On the different side of the city a young Chinese boy started arguing with a snake, trying to get him off his malicious ways and help out for once.

And Aslan Jade Callenreese's name was written on New York's death lists.


End file.
